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We’re back…the sequel!

May 9, 2014

We are going to try to get this done before we have to start the 90s throw down…

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Executive Decision

November 19, 2009

Hi there. Since we’re starting this thing back up, we’re faced with the task of figuring out just what the hell to do with The Matchup That Shall Not Be Mentioned, which almost broke this thing forever. You know a match-up involves two movies that aren’t up to snuff when it grinds the entire undertaking to a halt for 16 months.

On one hand, you have Akira. I fought for this movie, but 16 months and at least ten pounds later, I can’t figure out why. I think I wanted to shake things up a bit, and have something way different than 80s Action Movie, or 80s Coming of Age Movie. As a film, the movie is certainly not without merit. It’s one of the first animated films to transcend being a cartoon, at least over here. In Japan they’ve been doing this shit for years, and you can buy hundreds of movies just like this right next to the Soiled Panty Dispensers. Anyway, I guess I wanted to try to expose the other three participants to something I was sure they had never watched, and see their reactions. I’ll never try to do something like that again. ::fart noise:: The sequel is actually much better, anyway. I’ve posted the opening credits below:

On the other hand, you have Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. I love(d) Steve Martin. It makes me sad that he’s embraced mediocrity and a string of “Cheaper by the Dozen” paydays in his later years. I used to read the articles that he wrote for the New Yorker back in high school, and I always got the impression that he is a truly smart guy, who happens to be funny as shit. I also like John Candy. He was fat as shit, unapologetic about it, and he owned it. I just can’t believe he died so young. I just didn’t see it coming. ::cries, heaps Canadian bacon onto plate, pours maple syrup on top:: By all accounts he was one of the nicest guys around, too. But mash ’em together and they become a lesser comedic experience, in my opinion. Full disclosure: I’ve never been a fan of PTA. It’s just never clicked with me. That said, I feel no pain in using the “undo” button on this match up, as both Martin and Candy will be judged in far superior entries. In fact, this may be better in the long run, as we don’t have the bitter taste of fail in our mouths when reviewing the work of these two greats.

The record will now reflect an empty space for this match up. The opponent of the winner in the next round will now receive either a bye, or the Committee will select a suitable replacement movie from those that did not make it, after reviewing them.

We’re back.

November 19, 2009

It’s been a while.  We’ve missed you.  Come play with us again.

 

It’s one thing to want someone out of your life, but it’s another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.

May 20, 2008

Well, another match has been completed. The results are in, the votes have been counted, and there will be no recount. Heathers, backed by strong support initially from 1/2 of the Throwdown Panel, gained the needed 3rd vote after some great back and forth between the panelists. Almost more noteworthy than the actual movies in this match-up is the fact that we had our first split decision. We thought long and hard about how we wanted to handle this occurrence, and decided that the first step is to try to talk it out like the gentlemen we are. It worked this time as after a little back and forth, Heathers stole the 3rd vote, and moved on. In this case, no one was absolutely married to either movie, and a compromise of sorts seemed to have been reached. It will no doubt get more interesting, and quite heated, when an impasse is reached in deciding among lower seeded films that we all love. Anyway, here is a brief recap of each one of each camp’s initial arguments, either for their movie or against the other movie. In this recap, we’re going to focus on Fatal Attraction, as it was the higher seed beaten by a lowly underdog. So, what gives?

Mainly, the initial Heathers camp stressed that what we essentially have in Fatal Attraction is a VGMWMDPAL. This means “Very Good Movie Where Michael Douglas Plays a Lawyer.” Think about it. Have you really seen a movie where he wasn’t a lawyer (or a generic powerful businessman so maybe it’s VGMWMDPAPB) with a gruff exterior? I mean, we’ve already seen the archetype in this tourney in Gordon Gekko. Then we have Fatal Attraction. War of the Roses. Basic Instinct. Disclosure. The Game. A Perfect Murder. Traffic. Romancing the Stone. No wait, scratch that last one. In 2009, he will reprise his role as Gordon Gekko. Simply put, it just didn’t really stand out, despite the fact that it is a very good movie. Where Michael Douglas plays a lawyer.

Supporters of Fatal Attraction pointed out the fact that the movie was seen as pushing the envelope of good taste back in the day, much like Michael Douglas and would do some again some years later in Basic Instinct. They further pointed out Glen Close’s character and what an incredible job Ms. Close did. This cannot be argued. She is a great psycho. She scares the shit out of you when watch that movie…whether you’re male or female…but especially if you’re male. It’s been pointed out before that men have approached her on the street and told her that she saved their relationship, at least from being broken up by cheating on their part. I guess there’s just something frightening about the thought of a crazy woman pouring acid on your car, and then cooking your “daughter’s” rabbit. Seriously though…that was a their daughter?

I am convinced this picture has two penises.

So Heathers moves on, but it has a long way to go. Can the plucky upset keep it up? The girls will face the winner between The Big Chill and 3 Amigos. Onward!

-Venkman

Just Say No Round 1: Girl people inexplicably thought was attractive versus Detective John McClane

May 5, 2008

#16 Pretty in Pink v. #17 Die Hard

I know, I know. That’s not Molly Ringwald, or even a Pretty in Pink promo poster! Well, allow me to explain. We’re going to be watching a lot of movies during this thing. A LOT of movies. And we’re, hopefully, going to give each movie a fair shake, and approach each with an open mind. That said, in the interests of full disclosure, I will say I hate Molly Ringwald. I hate her with a passion. In Breakfast Club, another high ranking movie infected by this 80s Ginger, she plays the seminal 80s Princess/Cheerleader (well this is probably the seminal 80s cheerleader, but whatever, bear with me). Yeah. Fucking. Right. Everyone knows that cheerleaders look like this, and not this. Beyond that, I guess I never liked her because her name sounds like “ringworm.” So let’s see…an unattractive ginger wanna-be cheerleader that sounds like a fungal infection? You had me at unattractive, meowwwwww!

But after such a bashing, how can I remain objective? Well, I can overlook Ringwald, because there are good things about this movie: John Hughes, for one. Second, it’s a classic look at how rough and terrifying high school can be. It also has an underrated 80s power team in Andrew McCarthy and James Spader. How so, you ask? The two team up in another well-known 80s movie, Mannequin, which I lobbied for, but sadly didn’t make the cut. Big mistake, in my opinion:

Anyway, yeah Pretty in Pink. I’m going in with an open mind, but I thought I should get my feelings for Molly Ringworm on the table. And by the way, sorry for the pictures of her in those links. Cleanse your pallet with this (SFW, don’t worry).

For many of us, 1988’s Die Hard stands out as Reginald VelJohnson’s greatest work. Personally, I think that is like trying to name Michael Jordan’s greatest highlight: when you’re routinely operating at a level head and shoulders above the competition, no one play defines you. Such is Reginald “Reggie” VelJohnson’s career. Some people think of “Family Matters” as the height of his career, but to those people I say: Fuck you, people. Everyone knows Die Hard is where it’s at for the RVJ love, followed closely by his out of character role as a law enforcement officer in Turner and Hooch. His range is incredible. Don’t believe me? I’d point you to Tales from the Crypt “Werewolf Concerto” in which he played “Hotel Guest.” This guy can do it all. So for me, Die Hard is really a celebration of the Hollywood flame that burned too bright, Reginald VelJohnson.

Also, there is a fleeting 80s star named Bruce Willis in this, and he curses a lot, walks on glass, and shoots a bunch of Germans. Fun for the whole family!

Dr. Venkman

Miracle on Ice Round 1: #6 v #27 Fight!

April 22, 2008

In this corner, weighing in at 175 lean, sexy pounds, the man who’s face launched a thousand douches, Gordon Gekko! Mr. Gekko, who certainly needs no introduction (at least if you’re a day trader, a wannabe day trader, a guy who’s seen Glengarry Glen Ross, a guy who thinks Alec Baldwin is the tits, or a guy that calls other guys-not-their-barber “champ,” “chief,” or “boss”), is the representative of one half of our first match:

#6 – Wall Street

making guys want to punch other guys for decades

versus

#27 – Lethal Weapon!

What really sets this movie apart from the other buddy-cop movies of the decade like Beverly Hills Cop is the fact that the biggest star of the film has no speaking roles. That’s right. It’s Mel Gibson’s mullet. Definitely rivals Patrick Swayze’s Roadhouse mullet, and that is no mean feat. It also stars Danny Glover, who was like a billion years old in the first one, yet managed to stay alive for 3 sequels. The challenge for Lethal Weapon will be avoiding seepage from its sequels. Joe Pesci was bad enough, but Joe Pesci and Chris Rock? Puh-lease.

Hey Moe!

So who ya got?

– Venkman

Coming Soon

April 22, 2008

Stay tuned for the greatest thing you’ve ever seen.

I hope you like movies