Posts Tagged ‘Action’

Just Say No Round 1: Girl people inexplicably thought was attractive versus Detective John McClane

May 5, 2008

#16 Pretty in Pink v. #17 Die Hard

I know, I know. That’s not Molly Ringwald, or even a Pretty in Pink promo poster! Well, allow me to explain. We’re going to be watching a lot of movies during this thing. A LOT of movies. And we’re, hopefully, going to give each movie a fair shake, and approach each with an open mind. That said, in the interests of full disclosure, I will say I hate Molly Ringwald. I hate her with a passion. In Breakfast Club, another high ranking movie infected by this 80s Ginger, she plays the seminal 80s Princess/Cheerleader (well this is probably the seminal 80s cheerleader, but whatever, bear with me). Yeah. Fucking. Right. Everyone knows that cheerleaders look like this, and not this. Beyond that, I guess I never liked her because her name sounds like “ringworm.” So let’s see…an unattractive ginger wanna-be cheerleader that sounds like a fungal infection? You had me at unattractive, meowwwwww!

But after such a bashing, how can I remain objective? Well, I can overlook Ringwald, because there are good things about this movie: John Hughes, for one. Second, it’s a classic look at how rough and terrifying high school can be. It also has an underrated 80s power team in Andrew McCarthy and James Spader. How so, you ask? The two team up in another well-known 80s movie, Mannequin, which I lobbied for, but sadly didn’t make the cut. Big mistake, in my opinion:

Anyway, yeah Pretty in Pink. I’m going in with an open mind, but I thought I should get my feelings for Molly Ringworm on the table. And by the way, sorry for the pictures of her in those links. Cleanse your pallet with this (SFW, don’t worry).

For many of us, 1988’s Die Hard stands out as Reginald VelJohnson’s greatest work. Personally, I think that is like trying to name Michael Jordan’s greatest highlight: when you’re routinely operating at a level head and shoulders above the competition, no one play defines you. Such is Reginald “Reggie” VelJohnson’s career. Some people think of “Family Matters” as the height of his career, but to those people I say: Fuck you, people. Everyone knows Die Hard is where it’s at for the RVJ love, followed closely by his out of character role as a law enforcement officer in Turner and Hooch. His range is incredible. Don’t believe me? I’d point you to Tales from the Crypt “Werewolf Concerto” in which he played “Hotel Guest.” This guy can do it all. So for me, Die Hard is really a celebration of the Hollywood flame that burned too bright, Reginald VelJohnson.

Also, there is a fleeting 80s star named Bruce Willis in this, and he curses a lot, walks on glass, and shoots a bunch of Germans. Fun for the whole family!

Dr. Venkman

Miracle on Ice Round 1: #6 v #27 Fight!

April 22, 2008

In this corner, weighing in at 175 lean, sexy pounds, the man who’s face launched a thousand douches, Gordon Gekko! Mr. Gekko, who certainly needs no introduction (at least if you’re a day trader, a wannabe day trader, a guy who’s seen Glengarry Glen Ross, a guy who thinks Alec Baldwin is the tits, or a guy that calls other guys-not-their-barber “champ,” “chief,” or “boss”), is the representative of one half of our first match:

#6 – Wall Street

making guys want to punch other guys for decades

versus

#27 – Lethal Weapon!

What really sets this movie apart from the other buddy-cop movies of the decade like Beverly Hills Cop is the fact that the biggest star of the film has no speaking roles. That’s right. It’s Mel Gibson’s mullet. Definitely rivals Patrick Swayze’s Roadhouse mullet, and that is no mean feat. It also stars Danny Glover, who was like a billion years old in the first one, yet managed to stay alive for 3 sequels. The challenge for Lethal Weapon will be avoiding seepage from its sequels. Joe Pesci was bad enough, but Joe Pesci and Chris Rock? Puh-lease.

Hey Moe!

So who ya got?

– Venkman